ONE!

Photo taken by Luke Kavajecz

I made these planters at the last minute using vintage pots I found at a garage sale for a $1. I bought the plastic dinosaurs from the dollar store and spray painted them gold. The cake design I found off pinterest and How Sweet It Is bakery created it for me. It was the best cake I ever had. It was funfetti with butter cream and whip cream layers. 

Party favors consisted of painted drift wood, honey sticks, organic lollipops, and chinese finger traps

Tissue garland made from dollar store supplies and spray painted wood beads. Cost a total of $7 to make!

Crepe paper garland. I bought long rolls of this online and cut circles out of it, then folded them in half to create half moons over string.

Helen's friends Jasper and Liam 

Soooooooooooooooooooo we did it! We threw a big old birthday bash for Helen. Even though the sun didn't decide to show it's face (argh), we still had a great time. I believe around 75 folks showed up so it was a far larger event than even our wedding! Not sure what I was thinking, but I guess you only turn 1 and have a Golden Birthday once, right?

It didn't really hit me it was a year until two days after the party. That's when I cried. I cried because I was sad she was getting older, but mostly because I was SO happy we made it. We survived our first year of being new parents and it was HARD. SUPER HARD, but we did it and I have grown ten fold from this experience and I am sure will continue to grow. But let me tell you, it's SO worth it. I never thought a little human being could change your outlook on life and make you a better person so quickly.

It sounds funny, but Helen has given me such confidence! For real. I am probably 10 times more confident now than last year. I use to get nervous meeting new people, or going to events alone. Now it feels good, I like putting myself out there. I find myself more honest, loving, and nurturing to not only my family, but to friends and new people (especially moms) I meet. And this will sounds super dumb, but I don't get uneasy anymore when I feel like wearing something a little over the top. I've just been on this path of "I'm a mother and I am going rock this intense outfit my husband thinks looks like a Golden Girl!" I am laughing aloud right now, because it probably sounds bizarre, but it's true! Helen has boosted my confidence.

Helen has also made me think more about my inner self. My spiritual self and mind. Not to get all religious on you, but I grew up in a pretty conservative Christian upbringing on my moms side. As a grew up I distanced myself from this, which I am thankful for, but still wanted to nourish the faith in God I did have. I love that I have strong faith, but never knew where to grow it. I didn't like the church I grew up in and I didn't really know where my faith was directing me. I still don't really know the answer to that, but I feel like I am getting there. I have been trying to teach myself to be more mindful and in the present moment. And to love just being. And most importantly sharing this with Helen and hopefully finding a community that nurtures this, her faith in God, and love in people and her community.

So basically, Helen has been the best teacher and learning experience life has given me and the cool thing is she's only 1 so I have many more lessons in my future.

This post will also mark my last letter to Helen on the blog :

Helen getting ready for her party!

Enjoying her tee-pee gift 

With her great grandmother Carol. Blueeeeeeeee!

Tissue garland in action

15 foot pom pom garland I hung across our fence before packing

Helen,

YOU ARE ONE! We can hardly believe the first year is behind us. You gave your dad and I so much joy as we planned and celebrated your birthday on the 1st. Our golden girl. Our beautiful loving little girl. You are the light of our lives!

It's really hard to sum up all the new things you've done in the past month. You still aren't full on walking, but you are taking a few steps here and there when you feel like it. You say "uh oh" about a hundred times a day, but it never gets old.

You're really into cheddar bunnies and your snack cups. All is well in the world if you have those two things. You've been a pretty picky eater as of late and I blame it on those darn bunnies! You are, however, drinking mama's kale juice which makes me really happy you are getting some greens!

The weather has been horrible here, but when it's nice you love being outside. We go to Old Main almost every day with Argos and you love finding rocks and sticks to play with. Most recently, you've been loving sitting in your wagon and getting pulled down the block.

You thrive around other kids and love playing with them. Showing them your toys and giving them hugs and kisses. I think you're starting to get a little bored with your mama, so I am trying to plan many play dates.

This letter will mark the last to on the blog, but I will continue this journey in your baby book and my journal.
Thank you for shining the sun in our lives the past 365 days. Love you always. Mama

partay

i have never been crafty. ever. i was the person who had creative ideas but would rather pay someone to do it for me. i must have the craft bug now that i have kiddo or something. anyway, i am pretty pleased that i have been a total craft machine for helen's birthday party. it also helps that spray paint and pom pom makers can be used by monkeys. these are not hard to make whatsoever.

i always new i would go a little overboard for holidays and birthdays if i had a child. i have been thinking about helen's birthday party since the day she was born. and its not just her birthday we are celebrating by the way....we SURVIVED our first year of being parents. when i use the word "survived" i mean exactly that. the ppd, endless nights of no sleep, sickness, buckets or tears, and truly cutting our own teeth on raising a baby I GREW IN MY BELLY for over 9 months then birthed on my bed. wtf! we have to party to this, right?! 

gathering ideas and getting friends involved to help has been the highlight so far. i had my friend jordan from tin cup design come up with the invites which turned out better than i could ever have imagined. from that i had a few friends over for wine and trashy television while we made pom poms, spray painted drift wood plastic animals, and anything else that would look good in gold. One thing is for sure: there will be garlands at this party.

cant wait. woot woot.

ps. as i write this helen has a double ear infection (first ever a week before her bday!) and terrible cold. cross your fingers and toes it's all better by Saturday!

lipstick and zen

This is going to be the most random post, but since I am always short for time these days I thought I would just throw all my thoughts/discoveries/tips at you at once!

first: i have discovered the BEST cheap lipstick. it all started when i really wanted tom ford's aphrodisiac lipstick, but spending that much on lipstick i couldnt even try in person (i live in duluth, remember) had me seek out cheaper options. i stumbled upon revlons colorstay ultimate suede lipstick in MUSE and fell in love. i think it's pretty close to aphrodisiac, but i guess i cant say for sure. all i know is that its my go to color for summer. the reviews said it was pretty drying, but i havent had an issue. i was so impressed with the color and how long it stayed (SERIOUS staying power) that i bought a few more when they were on sale at ulta. I bought the colors: high heels (pictured), preview, and socialite. love them all, but still like Muse the best.

second: i have always ran to stay in shape, but never could get myself to tone up using weights or mat exercises. i'm also not a the biggest loser watcher and don't really get into trendy workouts, but when i heard jillian michael's 30-day shred was only 20 minutes long and talked to a few people who loved it i decided to drop the $14 and get it and actually DO IT. I did it with a friend which i think helped, but basically its a 20 minute workout you do everyday for 30 days which consists of 3 minutes of weights, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of ab work that you repeat 3 times. you work way up through 3 different levels allowing you to see your progress. i am sold. i didnt really do it to lose weight, but ended up losing 7 lbs and am so much more toned and stronger! when i started i had to do all the push-ups on my knees, but by level 3 i was doing the walking push-ups on my hands! now that its summer we'll see where i go from here, but i plan on spending more time outside walking, hiking, and running, but i think i'm going try her second video ripped in 30 too. its only 20 minutes so its hard to come up with an excuse not to do it. 

third: ever since a friend sent me the book, Momma Zen, Walking the Crooked Path to Motherhood (highly recommended btw!) I am interested in learning more about zen mediation and practice. Ben and I listed to this NPR program last night and it really hit home. Check it out. I think you will like what you hear. Let me know what you think if you listen to it!

well, helen is napping now so i am going to shred it! ha

11 months (!)

Helen!

You are turning one in less than a month and this is blowing my mind. BLOWING MY MIND. How can that much time pass so quickly? And how some days feel like years upon years? Motherhood is a such a weird time warp.

You are napping right now. Sleeping on your face working up a sweat. No matter what I dress you in you heat up in your sleep just like your dad. I wonder if you will be wearing t-shirts in the winter like he does and prefer the shade in the summer?

I had my first weekend away from you. Such a BIG deal for me. I cried the night before and the morning of, but I must say your mama had a great time once I arrived in Minneapolis  April was my sidekick for the weekend and together we ate, drank, and watch fleetwood mac in concert! It felt good to sleep in and stay up late, but I it felt even better to swoop you up in my arms and smother your tiny face in kisses when I got home.

Speaking of kisses - you kissed your first boy ON. THE. LIPS. We were attending your nephew, Owens, first birthday and his 6 month old pal, Ty, was there sitting watching you in awe, and you crawled up to him and kissed him right on the lips. We all clapped and you did it again! Such a sight. Grandpa Dave even caught it on film.

Surprisingly you have no interest in walking. In fact, you don't even like to stand up that much anymore. We bought you a little wagon to push, but your prefer sitting in it getting pushed around. You still have 6 teeth and from what I can tell nothing new coming in. You have been getting sick more lately. A high fever a couple nights in a row worried us, but the doctor said you were just fine. 

You are taller and have gained 2 pounds! Lately you haven't had much of an appetite and have been sleeping poorly again. I think you are working through a lot of stuff. It seems like each day you do something new - point to things, identify people in pictures, go get us things we say, and my FAVORITE - you can now turn on the record player! So impressed. You may not being able to walk, but you can play my favorite Leonard Cohen no problem.

I have been busy planning your birthday. I can't believe it's really happening. It's your GOLDEN birthday so we are (meaning I) are sort of making it a big deal. Can't wait to see your little sweet face plow into that cake.

till next month,

mother

tunes

been having some living room dance parties with this record on

sooooooooooooo good.

dream dresses

uno / due / tre

ferns

since summer is taking its sweet time i decided to fill my house with ferns so it at least felt like summer inside.

kitchen//home depot//friend's house